Sunday, December 06, 2009

From the Wisdom of Gurdjieff

I’ve encountered this lesson from enlightened master George Gurdjieff and somehow he has unfolded the workings of the ego, the mind, that usually hinder us from seeing how sick we really are. He talks about the Internal Considering and point blank he has diagnosed the form of disease man is ill with.

Check out the link if you are interested with what he says. I for one have to exert effort to understand the wisdom written by him.

http://www.satrakshita.be/internal_considering.htm

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

East and West

The East taught where to stand, the West taught how to play it.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Pursuit of Happiness

I rarely watch movies nowadays, even on the cable, but one memorable movie that strikes my interest is the 2006 movie Pursuit of Happiness starring Will Smith. The movie is a biopic of a successful stockbroker Christopher Gardner. The story line is excellent and Will Smith’s performance in portraying a man struggling to get out of the misfortune of his life is admirable. Of course in the end, after a grueling array of challenges to stay financial afloat, jaded and almost defeated, Gardner/Smith is able to reach the point when he already bagged the job as a stock broker. And on that point, Gardner/Smith said the famous sweet line: this is happiness.

Now, I don’t want to ruin my readers affection to the said film. Yes, it is true story of human spirit prevailing against all odds that was thrown at him; the haste to gain a slot in a charity building so he and his son can have a good rest; the misfortune of having to sleep surreptitiously in a rest room in a subway; the agonizing frustration to sell his device known as Bone Density Scanner that malfunctions when he makes a demonstration. Yet in the end, the sweet taste of success after passing a six-month training period without pay as a stock broker comes. Success, happiness and live happily ever after then.

But this is a film that only summarizes the travails of a human being and getting out of the rot. Another thing is that the real Christopher Gardner is still living and, of course, still has to attend to problems that are connected with his success and his life as well. Live happily ever after, probably yes if money is our basis – though wind of misfortune can still fall the good man Gardner. We can never tell.

The human journey has many points of junctions. They may arrive there happy or forlorn or even defeated. Yet, all of these will have to be left again when one goes to the next junction of his life. And again, he may arrive there happy, forlorn or defeated. These are the many life cycles in a human life span. This is the play of form in a nutshell. Nothing last forever. Even if it last your whole life time, it will still have to end when you meet Death.

Pursuit of happiness, play wisely the unfolding of forms while taking a first look of what that box you are sitting on while asking for external happiness keeps. You try to find it out for yourself.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Time Travel, Parallel Universe and Einstein

Readers can mine my blog concerning this subject and validate what seems to be an imagination that is now on the brink of becoming a common knowledge in physics and science in general. I once wrote an unfinished story called Vigilante: Crisis Infinite Worlds. Growing up during those days when DC released a series called Crisis on Infinite Earths, I would say or try to consider that I got the title and part of the story on this classics series.

My story dealt about a corrupt policeman who used to be an idealist ready for the fight in the eradication of crime in the city. What happened to this idealist was the usual story of most of the police officers who get to be swallowed by the system. In the end the idealist police officer become corrupt himself. In the story, this policeman becomes obsessed by the recent vigilante killings happening in his territory and eager to know who was behind these. As the story when on, the police officer is able to track down a van which is a suspect for the vigilante killing. The twist of the story, after a myriad of car and cat-and-mouse chase, he finds that the one he is chasing is himself, the idealist policeman who put summary execution on criminals.

This story got stirred up in my memory bank when after watching a Nat Geo program. The topic was time travel. Throughout the program, theories after theories that surround the subject were discussed in detail. I knew already about the worm hole, black hole and space-time dimension. What was something new to me is the participation of gravity as one major key in time travel. The discussion got convoluted for some time as scientists explore what would make time travel possible. Then the question that time travel tinkers with our past becomes an issue. To this issue, the possible answer or the only answer that can become a catch-all theory to the problem is the existence of parallel universe.

This theory of a parallel universe seems to be becoming already a common fascination for writers like me, as seen by my writing a story founded on it. I also remember that Jet Li’s movie titled One also sits on the parallel universe theory.

But sitting for a while after I watched Nat Geo, it dawned on me that time travel has already been invented by future human beings. Time travelers has already tinkered with our history. We just don’t know it. One reason is that these time travelers travel only in small group. The right question is what are the things they inserted in our history that makes us more technologically advance. Can you imagine that Einstein can be probably one of these time travelers?

Monday, October 19, 2009

William Safire (1929-2009)

As I struggle to write nowadays, here’s a bad news late to my knowledge: William Safire, one of those writers and syndicated columnists used to be subscribed by the defunct newspaper Today of Teddy Boy Locsin, died at the age of 79. I used to read him in the mentioned newspaper. The knowledge only came to me when I chanced an interview of him in the program ThinkTank in the VOA on the cable. Before the credit rolled, there was it, William Safire (1929-2009).

For those who failed to know him you can check out this link: William Safire, 79

Vexation to the Writing Spirit

There was a time when I write about the advantages of having a career as an online writer. I have probably written a dozen of those ready-made articles proselytizing the benefits of writing and working in the comfort of your home. Though there is no doubt that there is a long list that can be included why one is better to work at home than struggling to get out of your bed every morning and travel an average of four hours a day going and back from office, the pang of reality that there are too some challenges working from home is still real.

First and foremost, working as a home-based writer or whatever field you are in (given that your work is possible to be done at home) is an alien idea or practice that can not be easily understood by common folks that do the daily grind of working in the traditional way. Nevertheless, that is not an issue that you have to contend with what if you are already fattening your wallet and bank account with wiretransfer and paypal paycheck (just don’t ask me where are my dough now –smirking).

The first challenge or obstacle, if you can call it that, is the distraction created by daily domestic chores presented by your very home, the comfort of your home as I have said. I remember once when my late father told me that the nature and utility of home is basically and purely for a place where you can sleep and that was it. Home is not your working place. Yup, very traditional. And yes, when my good mother said while I roamed the house looking for some kind of inspirational miracle so that I can write: who will pay you for your work. There is basically no boss or even an accounting department to hand you that dough present in the house: a phantom employer she probably was thinking. The notion of wire transfer and online payment was still vague as a muddy water for her.

As I have mentioned, the first obstacle you are going hurdle is the daily domestic chores, especially the surprise activities. When was that time when I was beating a deadline and my good mother suddenly started moving the dining table and other appliances in the house for what she saw as a need for a new arrangement of furniture in the house. The poor me, split apart and vexed all the way to the core of my writing spirit, could not do but leave my seat and the blinking cursor on my monitor to help out with her obsessive-compulsive behavior to give the interior of the house a new look.

Oh, drat! Before I blabber further let’s cut the story and the so-called vexation to the writing spirit short by saving enough for a pad (now, where’s my dough, shrug).

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The First Steps on a Long Journey

If would map the non-fiction books that made an impact in my life, I can say that there are basically five that speak aloud regarding my views about my so-called spiritual journey in this world. Though the third book, I would say, is not a book but a series of Dharma talks with translated text from the original Buddhist works written long ago.

The first is M. Scott Peck The Road Less Traveled, the second Carlos Castaneda Journey to Ixtlan, third the abhidharma(?) and other Dharma lectures, Don Miguel Ruiz The Four Agreements and Eckhart Tolle Practicing the Power of Now.

Now, the journey, borrowing from the terminology of Tolle, started with the problem and tackling of life situation. That is reading M. Scott Peck’s series of the Road Less Traveled. Peck dealt the subject of life on the perspective of western psychology and from there tries to define and give a form to something that is created by the mind and the issues it faces. Though the book is an intellectual discussion of life’s many facets, the genuine respect of M. Scott Peck to individuals who displayed an uncanny wisdom regardless of their religious background influenced, or rather, reinforced in me the reality that there is no race, religion or culture that has the monopoly of wisdom – that wisdom that looks life in a strange yet truthful manner. Since the Road Less Traveled is a western psychology that tries to explain life according on the expectation that what that can make us happy is external, the knowledge that I got from Scott Peck only convoluted the issues of life. It is as if there is an infinite need for formal studies and research for something that is an external phenomenon of life and how this can solve the wound of the human soul.

Next in line is Carlos Castaneda Journey to Ixtlan. I have written a lot about this book and there is no need to state it again in this essay to drive my point. The only thing that I still have to say about this book is that it gave me the perspective of shifting my consciousness to something that is mystical. No, no. There are no esoteric powers or knowledge. Just the intellectual religious experience of life. And for the first time also, looking back, Castaneda taught me that the river of life is ever in a flux, nothing is permanent. As I said in my essay about the book, we are on a journey to our own Ixtlan but we are bound not to reach it because everything already has changed.

I can no longer remember where or from whom did actually my tendency to study Buddhism started. Before Jack Kerouac introduced me to the idea of Buddhism, the Dharma and Satori, I’d already the notion or wanting to meet the different buddhas in this present time and I think that wanting was written here in my profile. I cannot say that I mastered or learned Buddhiss. The belief or if it can be said to be a belief, showed to me something that I could not imagine was known all along 2.5 millennium ago. The power of the actual and scope of knowledge of Buddhist is just so awesome, intellectually nourishing and stirring. Yet, with all of these teachings, the most important thing is not the theory or dogma but the religious experience. Buddhism is basically an experiental religion. You have to experience it than merely knowing it. What is ‘it’ is something that you have to find and experience for yourself.

I have read a lot of book, mostly literary, but there is nothing that blew up my mind and woke me up to a certain degree than by reading and following the basics of Buddhist teachings. There was a time that I would remain silent in the company of my friends just watching the strange, dry an bare awareness of life unfolding before me.

Now, the next two books: Don Miguel Ruiz Four Agreements an Eckhart Tolle Power of Now and Practicing the Power of Now. These two books are to me a subsidiary readings to what Buddhism is preaching. The reader just have to be intelligent enough to put and understand the terms used in the book that correspond to the realities that were discovered long ago by Buddhism. Just to give an example, the first agreement in Ruiz’s book says be impeccable with you word. This agreement is on the eight-fold path (if I remember it right) where Buddha says that one should practice right speech. This teaching is the most hard for me to follow since I usually would blurt out unskillful words to the detriment of my relationship with my family, friends and acquaintances. Regarding Tolle’s Power of Now, this is basically what Buddhism is teaching and practicing. Be mindful. Be present. Be in the Now. Walk the narrow razor edge of the present Now: the only thing is what you have.

From these readings and books plus the actual practice of doing their guided lessons, life for me is better. I don’t mean financially better. But better in the sense that there is more joy that I continue to mine inside of me than totally relying on the external things to make me happy. And to those people that I have said mean thing, intentionally or not, and to those that I hurt in any way because of my actions, I ask for forgiveness as I already tried to forgive myself for those things.

And a trickle of water falls down in the bucket…

Thursday, October 08, 2009

You Know What it is Today

Today is a holiday. Special holiday… 7 years ago that would start from the taste of onion-flavored crackers and hot coffee in the plane going south to Cebu where for days a night would be spent in the stairs, hugging, caressing, and that tingling sounds of the bluish light of the tube showing Paolo Santos singing Moonlight Over Paris…. Love you Lil Feather… :-* (it’s not the song but the memory of it.)

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Pinikpikan's Kalipay: Arts and Music Day Festival on Peripatetic Mind

Since I’ve already posted the video Hey, Jack Kerouac of the 10,000 Maniacs live performance at the birth town of Jack Kerouac and there is a mysterious or yet mystical musicality pervading the house today I could not grasp but feel all the same, I thought of posting another video (two actually of the same song) to relay that celebration of words and music.

It just hit me when I woke up what I really want to watch on youtube. The history is a quiet one, alone and roaming Glorietta during those days of mine that succinctly immortalized by Dong Abay in his song Esem. Yup, roaming the commercial city with nary a money, just enough for a ride for a way home and two sticks of Marlboro to parry the attacks of hunger. Sniffing, looking around, and yes killing time as I waited for the arrival of wisdom. There were two places where I usually hang out at then, probably an hour at Tower Records checking newly released CDs at the corner where you can listen for free. I found there once the album of Pinikpikan but as I said money was short and I could not buy a copy. There too at Tower Records would I find cherished album such as Born Again a remixed album for the late Notorious BIG and was it there that I bought my only Public Enemy CD? The other place was Powerbooks of course (my private/public library – recent found were the works of Osho and Eckhart Tolle Power of Now and Practicing the Power of Now.)

Now before I get lost of what I am supposed to do, here’s the two videos of Pinikpikan (the other one just shows the cover of the album and the other one a live performance). The air has a tinge of chilliness in it and I can feel as if I’m in an Arts and Music Festival somewhere in this globe. Music and words.



The live performance (a little bit pixilated):

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Cheers Once More Jack Kerouac

To the writer who taught me how to yak, speed-type as my mind drove me mad as if chased by bugs; to the writer who wrote about Big Sur that I eagerly read at the last seat of an air-conditioned bus from Cubao; the writer who told the dizzying love story about Leo Percepeid, Mardou Fox and Yuri Gligoric; the one who brought to me the idea of Buddhism, the Dharma and Satori (was it Satori in Mexico or Satori in Paris as if Lovers in Paris (guffaw); schoolmate? of Thomas Pynchon or was it Richard Farina? Thomas creator of Gravity’s Rainbow and the marvelous characters like Tyrone Slothrop, Captain Blicero, Roger Mexico and Tantivy… drat! I’m drifting here… here’s once more Natalie Merchant and 10,000 Maniacs’ song for you:

Lost Drive, Dangers and Lessons Concerning Mafia Wars

I used to love playing Mafia Wars on Facebook. I would spend a straight 12-hour playing spree clicking on the mouse doing jobs, beating rival gangs, and marvelously robbing other mafia players who are probably half-way around the globe playing in the comfort of their rooms somewhere in the United States or Europe maybe. The last time I checked the stat on my profile, I did jobs for 31 consecutive days. I would not dare say that I got hooked on playing the game but it was a swell of a time just easing my way up the ladder from the bottom where I usually get whacked and robbed by other players up to the point that there hardly any player attempting to beat the crap of me because I did my out-of-the-game strategy of recruiting more mafia members.

As I write this, I already have a couple of series of posts breaking down the macro-programming of the game. I don’t mean I tinkered with the program code of this successful and popular game of Zynga, but rather I was able to make a whole picture of the game and what are the effective ways on how to get on top of the game particularly if you are playing as a mogul in the game. After I wrote Mafia Wars: Strategy and Perspective, I felt that I was ready to leave the game since there is no point to continue when you know how it works. This realization was even more reinforced by the fact that Zynga removed the robbing option in the game. Right now, my playing time is solely focused on the effort to take my daily earning revenue from my properties which I use immediately to buy more properties.

Last night, after two days of taking time off from visiting my Facebook account, a member of my Mafia family had sent me a link to his blog where he wrote about the danger and the waste of time in playing online/offline games.

Now, with my nature of always trying to see the glass of water as half-full rather than half-empty, I dare say that this mafia family member of mine has a point. You will surely waste your time playing the game one way or the other. Yet, I want to give the perspective that there is no time spend wasted in any effort that you toil yourself into. This perspective though can only be understood and fully appreciated if you will learn the practical or spiritual lesson of an alchemist.

Alchemists usually try to turn raw metals into gold. And this should be the state of mind that we have to imbibe within ourselves. As a rejoinder to the blog post of this mafia family member of mine, there will be a time when he will discover that all the effort, time and sacrifice that he did for playing the game has a use for him. It can either be for practical purpose or even spiritual purpose.
Nevertheless, that time will come. The structure of this ‘reality’ we live in is strange and cannot clearly be defined so I will just say that the wind of mystical force can blow unexpectedly to your benefit.

Do I still find excitement in playing the game? A little. But gone are the days and sleepless night when I would intensely hunt down rival mafia players to ice and rob them. It is time to move on and take care of some basic needs and responsibilities.

But before I do that, let me take first my revenue earning for the day so I can buy a mega casino to grow my mafia empire.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Mafia Wars: No More Robbery Makes the Game a Senseless Clicking of the Mouse

I’ve written already in my previous post that it is useless and I may add that attacking a rival mafia player is stupid and waste of time. Why is this so? When you are poised to attack him, you surely gauge his capacity to repel your attack according to the number of mafia members that he has. So even if you are both in the same level of expertise in the game, the dominant player is the one that has the more number of mafia members. If he his mafia family is bigger, he wins the game. Mafia Wars in a gist is a game wherein you strength is dictated by the mafia members you have. Common sense follows that you will not dare attack a rival who has more members than you and you sort out your easy target right on the list.




Knowing this simple tactic of how the game is ruled makes it a drag already to play it. (Those who are only having a good time attacking helpless rival mafia player probably are the ones who truly enjoy the game – and most probably these people have brain the size of pea.)

Right now, there is a recent change on how the game Mafia Wars is played by its millions of followers. The robbing option was scrapped off the program. The only heavy activity that makes this an exciting game is by attacking rival mafia players. But as I said, nobody will dare attack somebody that is stronger than you. To attack him is complete imbecility.

Now, several mafia players ask the question now as to why Zynga still offers bonuses such as mutt whose main function is to repel robbery attacks. What’s the use now of this boost when there is no robbery happening in the first place, when robbery is no longer a choice to do in the game.

The decision to throw away the option of robbery in the Mafia Wars diminishes the excitement of the game, say 75%. First and foremost, there is no more heist you can pull off against another rival player. It also rob (no pun intended) you of the defensive feeling to protect your properties from other gamers. The act of acquiring real estates and mega casinos and other properties is almost a senseless acquisition that is going nowhere but fooling your ego that you are moving up in terms of expertise when it comes to playing the game.

During these last week, I barely use my stamina when its sole purpose is to attack easy prey on the fight list. The game becomes a complete drag. Though it is true that you still have an option of using your stamina as a hitman, the option still does not make the game alluring.

When I wrote Mafia Wars: Strategy and Perspective, which suits the mogul type of player of the game, I thought of abandoning already the idea of playing the game until I reach a respectable level. I thought, there is no longer any excitement that the game brings to me when I’ve already mapped out on a macro-level the intelligent ways on how to play it. I will just continue to step on a higher level but no rival player can no longer thrash me or whack me with great effect.

And now that Zynga dropped the idea of robbery happening against mafia players, the game is turned into a senseless clicking of the mouse that waste the time and energy of Mafia Wars players. Instead of letting the game evolve into an intricate maneuvering amidst the possibility of attacks and robbery, Zynga listened to those whiners who cannot handle the fact that if you want to build your mogul empire, you should have the capacity to acquire your wealth and protect it too.

Hey, Zynga, you should pay me for this valuable commentary on your very successful game. Let’s say just give me 100 mutts for boosts and let it be a décor on my profile page. What’d you think?

Friday, September 18, 2009

Mafia Wars: The Strategy and Perspective

I’ve already raked up more than $4M from robbing the 100 mega casinos of a rival mafia player. I still have good amount of stamina but my health to pull the heist was already too worse to pull another one. No matter, either get the dough amassed by putting it in the bank or get some more properties and spend the money until it is depleted. Regaining my health is easy as shoving at the hospital doctor a $1 bill. That crut of dimwit mafia player has eluded me robbing him until his properties are all damaged but he cannot escape the back up members of my mafia whom I tip that don’t attack this player but instead rob him because he has 100 mega casinos and other 100 more real estate ready for the taking with just a mere mutt for robbery defense. Two mafia members heeded the call for help. One raked up several grand before his stamina was depleted to rob more; but the other one raked up 48M for bonus from the unsuspecting victim before his stamina went down to zero.

Anyway, after shoving $1 bill to the hospital doctor to heal me, I jumped on my next rival mafia victim. The criteria for choosing a victim is simple. First, the mafia members should be less than mine. Next, there should be an absence of boost like mutt and other robbery defense. If there are boost present, the number of mafia member should be considerably less than mine. It means I have the upper hand when I rob him that even the mutt that he installed for stopping robbery in his property will end up futile. And before I forget, you should know where to find these mafia members that is vulnerable for your robbery. Find them at the list created by Fight option. Usually the list there are put for the reason to be attacked and not to be robbed. Click the profile of the prospective victim then measure him whether you can handle him good.

It is useless to attack another rival mafia player. First and foremost, the number of his mafia members tells you already that he is an easy prey. The true test and excitement when you attack a rival mafia member is when you are at par with him, member-wise and sans the cheating of looking at what he got in his arsenal of firepower weapons. The seconds of waiting to see who wins then becomes more interesting to focus and anticipate for as to who will win.

Nevertheless, there is a danger in this kind of strategy. If you lose, that attack gets recorded at the rival mafia member’s home page and you are then vulnerable against an attack from him. But don’t worry, there are still many dimwits when it comes to attacking and icing rival mafia members that you can always get even with somebody else.

They are though mafia players who are take the game as something that attacks their ego so an encounter can blow up into a continuous retaliation that can go on for a day or even weeks. For these egoistic mafia players who are more stronger than you, the intelligent thing to do is to let him hit you and don’t retaliate. Further retaliation will make him have the reason to attack you again. While for those lesser rival mafia players who keeps on attacking you and losing and putting you on the hitlist twice or thrice just to get back at you, let them be. Keep robbing and attacking him. If you are depleted of stamina, a five-minute wait is not useless. When that stamina gets invigorated by just one attack, rob this cretin another time and imagine already the frustration and irritation of the rival mafia members who is probably half-away around the world pulling his hair in anguish.

There is only two main secret on how to get successful with playing this game. First, it is a game wherein the strongest is defined by its number of mafia members. So, while you are waiting for your health and energy to get back, off-game strategy of recruiting members is one serious task for you to do. There is no point to reach level 201 or 300 if your mafia members is only 20 or less. Yes, you can opt not to buy properties so that you wont get robbed, just stack the dough in the bank. But remember, you are still vulnerable to attacks that can drive you crazy if you want to reach another level. I’ve seen many players opting in this kind of strategy and what is funny about it is that they still put a mutt for any robbery attempt on their deli property, which cant be robbed as far as I know and nobody in the first place will have any interest in it.

It is better to buy properties that can give you revenue each day. Invest. Don’t fear being robbed. The point is to reach that level when you can earn and put money in the bank in trillions. This only takes a little responsibility from you to continue recruiting mafia members and stacking your boosts with robbery defense mechanisms.

Nevertheless, in the end this is just a game. Remember that it is just for fun. When somebody robbed or attacked you, dismiss it as an inherent part of the game. Smile at those dimwits who takes the game personally who keeps on harassing you even if there is no apparent reason already to attack you again. The money involved in this game is mere illusionary. You cannot pay your bills from it. Get ready to be iced, robbed, and whacked. Make this as your reason for you to get stronger. Remember, recruit more members and invest to get more dough. And yes, sometimes it is more fulfilling to rob your rival mafia members than attacking him because you get to grow your empire in the end.

Stamina is now regained. Time for some whacking and robbery.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Check out 2006 Writer’s Blog Anthology by Deborah Woehr

It is not my practice to advertise personal accomplishment here in my blog and would rather prefer to talk about the lessons that I learn as I plod on my journey to become a good writer. But I would take this instance as an exception. Sometimes, it helps the writing spirit to pamper the ego and give it a light tap on the shoulder.

I barely succeeded in shaking off my morning sleepiness with a mug of strong, black coffee when Lil Feather broke to me a news – or rather a discovery. She said with enthusiasm that my blog (this blog) was included in a foreign blog anthology. Now, that was really something new. As my juice or writing stamina to write in my blog tends to wane during these past years, the news was a wakeup call that there is a mine of literary mysticism that lays dormant in this blog.

But going to the blog anthology where this humble blog was included. The title of the book is 2006 Writer’s Blog Anthology by Deborah Woer. Three years late it maybe to my knowledge, it still smells fresh as something done just yesterday. My blog graced the book by occupying 8 or more glorious pages.

This blog anthology is a collection of post by writers during the early boom of the blogging phenomenon. And, sure as happy as hell, I’m glad that I was a part of that early years when blogging was pure online space for the writer to hone his writing skills.

Go and get one!

Saturday, July 04, 2009

The Pyramid and Putting Somebody Down to be Somebody

There are a thousand reasons why an individual wants to be a writer. But most probably, either consciously or unconsciously – which is rare – he wants to be a literary writer. There is no other way around to explain why a person would want to stay in his room and plod on writing if he had not been inspired or disillusioned by the books that he had read and concluded in himself that he could also write like that. Save for some, this may not be true. But generally, most of the writers one way or another started their effort to learn how to write with this goal in mind.

When I was younger, I imagined already a pyramid representing the number of writers in a generation who would start up below eager to win their college literary writing contest, bag the national literary awards and finally the Nobel Prize for Literature. But as the year would pass by, this number of wannabe writers will decrease. Some would lose interest all in all in writing. Some will find that they don’t have it. Others will find job and face the reality of life that they have to work and drop the stupid idea that they held as sacred before (which happens most of the time). As that generation gets older, only a number would remain and probably a group or an individual will emerge as the most talented among his contemporaries. So the pyramid figure.

My antidote to that is to stay slugging it out until your last breath. You may not get on top, but probably you must have reached the middle part of the pyramid, at least.

Now, talking about this bunch of writers is an interesting topic to discuss. These writers who are inspired/ disillusioned themselves growing old to write that great literary book can be seen as already strutting like a bigshot even while they are still writing for the school papers. Like a bunch of wannabe rockstars, their ego is already bloated to the hilt. They know the importance and power of the written word and this they use to create image that they are better than anybody else. Let them win an award here or there and they are already yakking like hell about the seemed-shortcomings of the people they think they are at par talent-wise.

But, as I recall what an already established local writer said: this inflated ego is somehow harmless. I dare say we can call it merely as boosting one’s confidence.

While it’s true, I am just appalled sometimes when I stumble on blogs by known struggling contemporary writers. It’s good that they are still writing and still slugging it out and honing their writing skills through their blogs. But when I read their entries – knowing beforehand that they have won several literary competitions – and they try to put somebody down so that they can portray an image that they are already somebody and they kick ass, I’m just disappointed.

What do they want? Be Jessica Zafra? Zafra has been known for kicking ass and she’s the best in that league. What’s the point of emulating her? Can’t you offer something else? You think putting somebody down through crafty writing would do you or your reader good?

Nah! Forget it!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Silence and Writing

Since the beginning of this year, I rarely post an entry in this blog. And prior to that, I’ve mentioned my thoughts about the attractiveness of creative writing waning already for me as a goal that I must pursue. I added that I see no sense in writing another conflict through literature to be read by conflict-plagued people. There is basically no sense adding to the chaos of life.

And during those self-imposed reclusive online life, I unconsciously made a resolution to be silent. Act no more. Think no more. Write no more. If there ever were times that I write those efforts were all related to my work as a freelance writer. I even dropped the idea of reading more books to accumulate more information and knowledge. Probably, I have said to myself that I’ve already had enough dose of reading.

When I mentioned to Lil Feather that I no longer want to pursue writing, the real writing that I defined from the moment I decided that I wanted to be a writer, all she could say to me was she supports me on anything that I want in this life. But, she added, if she only had the talent that I have she would have chosen to use it.

What can I say to that? Am I being lead to a misinterpretation of all the studies that I have been involved during this past year? Another question that played on my mind was do I really get the right lessons of all of my readings and practice?

Somehow, there is a doubt in my head that I surely don’t get the lessons being imparted on me by my studies. The spectrum of the experiential knowledge and wisdom of my study is so vast and can take me eons to fully understand and skillfully practice that I am left almost stupefied on what to do with the trickle of mindfulness that I’m observing.

Nevertheless, there is something good that happened during the times that I stopped yakking about my intention to write or become a ‘real’ writer. I noticed in my silence that this dream of becoming a writer will never happen because I’m caught by the bad habit of merely talking and complaining about it. Since the start of my journey and learning to become a writer, all I wrote were all complains and woes about writing this story etc. In my silence and resolution to stop writing for a while, I somehow stopped the vicious cycle of merely a dreamer than a doer. I stopped the record in my head that has been playing over and over again that I wanted to be a writer, clouding my mind to think creatively of a story and wasting my energy that should be used for the writing proper.

The silence has become a portal for me to see my self in the mirror while being detached at the same time to fully evaluate myself, particularly my pursuit for writing. The silence for a year also gave me a respite to recharge myself, stop for a moment and see the potential that is being wasted because of the bad habit that I developed.

Probably, when I said to Lil Feather that I no longer want to pursue writing, I should have said that I was only taking a respite, cleaning myself from the bad habit of talking more of writing than doing the writing proper.

As the silence grows deeper, the clarity of mind to see and discern stories gets stronger.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Long Futile Journey to Ixtlan

We can always return to where we have come from; like a homecoming of an expatriate to his fatherland, of a college student to his old hometown, of a son to his ancestral home. But the question is: Is the coming back coming back to the same place, to the same old place?

Most probably, yes; save from aged faces of acquaintances and some physical changes in the streets where most likely a building or a house or store has been built here and there to replace the old ones. But the place is the same old memorable place.

This we expect and believe to be true.

But in Carlos Castaneda’s Journey to Ixtlan: Lessons of Don Juan, this is not the case.

The name of writer Carlos Castaneda rings a special tone in my ears. I have heard of him, as far back as college days, for his more familiar work The Teachings of Don Juan: A Yaqui Way of Knowledge. I have been fascinated by stories of how he recorded his mystical encounter with the use of peyote, which can give you a thirteen-hour-long hallucinatory experience.

Nevertheless, there is none of that adventurousness in trying peyote in Journey to Ixtlan. If there ever was, it is rare and only through suspicious suggestive hints by Castaneda.

Instead, Journey to Ixtlan deals with the initiation of Carlos Castaneda as an apprentice under Don Juan Matus, a Yaqui Indian, to sorcery.

Castaneda, under the guidance of Don Juan, undergoes different stages of achieving the ring of power to stop the world. Don Juan, who never runs out of reason to laugh of what he sees as idiocy and simple mindedness of Castaneda, is one weird of an old man. To start, he thinks the world talks to him; say, when he declares something and the kettle whistles, he would say the kettle is agreeing with him.

When one is able to stop the world (and this Castaneda is able to achieve and through his words: I saw the ‘lines of the world’… the lines were constant and were superimposed on or were coming through everything in the surroundings. I turned around and examined an extraordinary new world) it only validates one of the teachings of Don Juan that “the world is stupendous, awesome, mysterious, unfathomable.”

Don Juan teaches that a sorcerer is a warrior; though this does not mean warrior against evil per se, but a warrior against those who also know sorcery and with the intent to harm you. And when one is learning sorcery, there is always a ready worthy opponent that will wrestle you to teach you the greatest and painful lesson of sorcery.

Yet, the greatest and painful lesson of sorcery is not exclusively bound to sorcerers. It is also true to regular thinking people like you and me.

So what is the lesson then?

Even if the whole book is full of instances where Don Juan doubles up and sometimes kicks in the air as he laughs his old mystic man’s gaiety don’t be misled that he’s a happy chap. Knowing a lot is a tragedy and one cannot help in the end to see the world as one comic reality. Yet, deep within the heart, there is a sad nostalgia for the old world because being a sorcerer is faced with the fact that he can no longer return to his old place. After the debacle with the worthy opponent that throws him several mountains away, he can never return again. Every place from then on is part of a long futile journey to go home.

For us regular people, the worthy opponent can come to us through enormous personal problems. The knowledge and wisdom and experience and everything that we have seen throughout the process can lead us for the shedding of our old self, for a re-birth. And from then on, our life will be a long journey to go back to our old understanding of the world.

Thinking about this, I cannot deny that Journey to Ixtlan is the poignant life of a sorcerer and those who have achieved a higher understanding of the world we live in. It is lonely out there sitting on the top of the mountain; the wind is harsh and it is severely cold.

And even if you reached your old country, your old hometown, your old place, it is never been the same old one but a different one. Consciously or unconsciously you try to go home but you know that it is only an endless journey since you have known and seen and felt and understood a lot already.

And from then on, we take our own journey to Ixtlan.

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Dizzy Learning

The itch is still there to describe and narrate a descriptive bodily position we usually find ourselves in. The energy to say that this experience is something to take note and from that create an essay (or a story) all from a subjective point of view is still there.

But for sometime now, the itch has somehow begun to falter on its pre-destined course of eventual failure. Yes, I call my life-long effort of wanting to say what I know about this world as something doomed from the very beginning. In the first place, I talk more about wanting to write something than writing that damned thing. I’m more of a worrier anxious that time is ticking away and I still have to start somewhere (as an ardent believer used to say ‘kulang lang praxis’). I guess that would sum up my effort in becoming a ‘real’ writer.

Somehow, during that time I died. Or rather I was dead in the conventional logic of how the world judges the inaction. The big term ‘Purpose in Life’ and lifelong ‘Dream’ suddenly came into a halt; stopped by the nature of inaction that produces nothing for the practical world.

Yet, with all humility, I learned a lot during that inactivity. My mind or consciousness or self or ego or whatever you would call it, just expanded (shrunk?) that I could not describe will surgical precision the experience. My attempt to describe it is that it gave me a new vantage place where to see the world and the universe within. Previous preconditioned idea and beliefs have been challenged and obliterated, asking for a brand new beginning.

Though I could hardly say that I learned ever basics that I should know, the tidbits of knowledge about what ‘real’ is is too much for my intellect to churn in. Probably, I failed to empty myself that the water that have been pouring in just spill out inevitably. I could not contain it, sad to say.

Right now, I still can not say whether I will be back on my previous journey of becoming a ‘real’ writer. A lot have been learned and experienced on taking the refuge of the shore and just watch the river that I had been (and still) drifting along run its course.

I can see now the people whom I used to share the same dream and what kind of dream or purpose in life we vigorously pursued. I can see with a clearer perception where it is leading to. I also see, probably even hear, those people whom I shared the ‘Dreams’ muttered in disapproval of my action or inaction.

Learning is a painful thing.

While I’m overwhelmed because of all the learning that I’m getting, it is good to thing that there is Lil Feather (though whom I know does not fully in accord with my study and practice) beside me , wherein in her lap I could rest, rest my tired eyes and body; and say ‘higa lang ako, maya pa flight mo.’

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Concerns of the Present

The first month of this year is almost over. I never really subscribe to New Year Resolutions since most of the times, by this time, they are all forgotten and everything is back to the old ways. Nevertheless, I think each day should be treated as a beginning, a fresh start. Old or recent fallbacks and mistakes should be considered a past. Something that one should let go and treated as an experience. If there is something to learn from them, then use this if you want. Failures of the past should not define your present. Even triumph for that matter. Since life is ever changing both failures and triumph is a mere concept of the past. If you are tied to it, you will just get frustrated when things are not going good at the present. So the present is more important.

 

 I remember my literary idol, Hemingway. He had all his triumphs and achievements, and some failures on women. But who knows what happened during the autumn of his years, he blew himself up with a shot gun. Next in mind is George Eastman of Kodak. He struggled to be a millionaire, but when he was already on the top, he experienced the loneliness bestowed on him by his stature; same way with the other billionaires narrated by the author of Rich Dad Poor Dad. Is the culprit their attachment to the past? Or to the future? Or inability to cope with the present?

 

Be still and do not let the winds of life blow you anywhere. There’s joy in your being since the beginning. (Drat! My readings of Buddhism is showing already and I did I get it right? But somewhere out there, the word praxis is reverberating and telling me that I should practice it. lol)

 

Nevertheless, there are a lot of things to do. My finances are in trouble. My work is not good. My actions are not skillful. A lot of mistakes. But this is a fresh start. These are the concern of the present.  

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Freedom from Systematical Realities

Most of the times we are engrossed with the all the activities we are experiencing in this world that we forget to observe objectively even the most superficial facts that govern our realities. We are completely hooked in our tasks, relationships and other concerns that we end up as mere reactors to these life experiences. There is a tendency to look life according relatively on how they are presented to us. We base then that the true reality is what we experienced. What is outside our experience is not true and worse what we experienced is only the truth which we hold deeply in our consciousness.

Nevertheless, consider this. A corporation management in pursuit of maximum production from its workers designed a system wherein they can track the productivity rate of their workers. If the corporation for example is in the data processing business, it has installed a software wherein it can count the keystrokes of its employees. More than that, the management is raising the quota of production of every worker every time the worker meets the quota. This is for maximum production management applied by the company or firm.

More or less, the outcome of this looking from the vantage point of the worker is a stressful demand of his job. The workers can suffer health problems because of the management style being employed on them. But the sad part of this, the workers can only get a blurry idea of how the management is manipulating the situation with the goal of maximizing the company’s production.

The management, educated on the corporate psychology of how people behave in work, is using this knowledge to their advantage. They have a clear sight of the system of how to motivate, manipulate, lead and control their employees. This is unknown to the common worker but half-understood by those with keen awareness.

What’s the point of this example?

This is only partially to show that there is a system in every field of endeavor, physical and psychological realities that everyday we are experiencing. Those who have a higher understanding of any particular system can use it to their advantage to get what they want. Another point, and this is the main point really here, is that there is a system in ever aspects of our everyday life. Whatever this system is, undiscovered or known, is just there and we are merely, most of the times, reacting to them.

Going back to the example given above, the workers are burying themselves to work to meet the expectation of the management. Unknown to them, the management are only practicing how to get the most out of their employees using their understanding of corporate psychology. Where the workers end up in this setup is mere automatons reacting to the bidding of the management.

As far as there are systems to everything, take the usual reaction of a bereaved widow. If she is strong willed, she would vent her loneliness with anger around her. If she is weak-willed, she may just drown herself in her own sorrow.

To shortcut this discussion, let us just observe that the governing system of any field can be formally studied in universities. If one wants to study the behavior of a demented person, he can study psychiatry. If structure of building and the likes, engineering. And so forth.

It is emphasized then that there is a system to everything. Nevertheless, in terms of man’s ability to free himself from the trap of being merely reacting against every experience that he encounters in everyday life, be it in a workplace or his community or family setting, he must keep his awareness to these realities.

What he should avoid then is how to be an automaton that all he does is react to things. If he can put himself in a position where he can only observe how things run without bias, then there will be an opportunity for him to gain wisdom from his experiences. What more, he will never be a mere robot whose reaction is ruled by ignorance; but rather by wisdom and clear comprehension.